Dinner with strangers: how it works, what it costs and how to enjoy your first one

What is a dinner with strangers?

It is an organised dinner for people who want to meet new people. The organiser does three jobs that are hard to do on your own: they find the people, they choose a restaurant that suits a group, and they fix a time. Everyone arrives on their own, so nobody is the outsider.

Most formats share the same parts. The group is small, so one conversation can hold the whole table. People are put together on purpose, usually by age, language and personality. And the location stays secret until a day or two before, which keeps the evening about the people.

The idea is old. Shared tables in inns, supper clubs and the "table d'hôte" all put strangers together over food. What is new is that apps and small clubs now do the matching, which makes it easy to do every week in a big city like London.

What happens, step by step

Every organiser runs it a little differently. Here is how a Siena week works, as a concrete example.

1. You sign up and answer a few questions. At Siena that is twelve short questions: your city, the languages you speak, your age, your gender and how you like to spend an evening. It takes a few minutes.
2. You book a night. Siena dinners are on Thursdays at 7:30pm. A seat costs £12.99. Booking closes on Tuesday at 23:59.
3. The organiser builds the tables. We group people of a similar age, balance each table by gender, and put together people who like to talk about the same things. You never sit with someone from one of your past Siena tables.
4. You get the restaurant. On Wednesday we send the name and address. You do not see the names or photos of the other guests in advance.
5. You walk in and say the group name. The restaurant knows you are with Siena and shows you to the table. Most people arrive within ten minutes of each other.
6. You eat, talk and pay for what you order. A table usually stays for about two hours. Each person pays for their own food and drinks.
7. You decide who you want to see again. People swap numbers or start a group chat. If you book again, you meet a new group.

Why a dinner with strangers works

It feels like a strange thing to do. The research says we underestimate how much we will enjoy it.

• We expect talking to strangers to go worse than it does. In a study of commuters in Chicago, people who were asked to talk to a stranger had a more positive journey than people who sat in silence. Other commuters predicted the opposite. The researchers found that people underestimate how much others want to talk (Epley and Schroeder, 2014).
• Eating together builds closeness. Robin Dunbar at the University of Oxford used a UK national survey and found that people who eat with others more often feel happier, trust others more and have more friends they can depend on. Meals that made people feel closer involved more people, more laughter and more reminiscing (Dunbar, 2017).
• Friendship takes hours, and leisure hours count most. Jeffrey Hall at the University of Kansas found that hours spent together predicted how close new acquaintances became, and that time spent on leisure activities mattered most (Hall, 2018). A two-hour dinner is a good first block of those hours.
• Even casual contacts lift your mood. People reported more happiness and a stronger sense of belonging on days when they talked to more acquaintances than usual (Sandstrom and Dunn, 2014). You do not need to find a best friend on night one for the evening to be worth it.

There is also a simple practical reason. A table of six is small enough that everyone talks and big enough that nobody has to carry the conversation. If you do not click with one person, there are four others.

Curious how many hours your own new friendships need? Try the friendship hours calculator.

Who goes to a dinner with strangers?

In our experience, most people at a Siena table fit one of a few stories:

• They moved to London for a job in the last year or two and know their colleagues, but not many people outside work.
• They have lived here for years, but friends moved away, had children or moved out of zone 2, and the group chat went quiet.
• They are good at talking to people but bad at organising plans, and want something that happens every week without effort.
• They are quieter and find bars and big events tiring. A small table where everyone gets a turn suits them better.

What they have in common is that they came on purpose to meet people. That is the main difference from a party or a pub, where most people stay with the friends they came with.

Ways to have dinner with strangers in London

London has more choice than most cities. The formats differ in group size, how people are chosen and what you pay for.

If you are comparing the two best-known apps, our guide to Timeleft in London sets out how it works and where Siena is different.

How much does a dinner with strangers cost in London?

You pay for two things: the place at the table and the meal itself. With Siena the seat is £12.99 and you pay the restaurant for what you order, so the total depends on you. A main course and a drink at the kind of mid-priced London restaurant that suits a group of six often comes to somewhere around £25 to £45, but you choose.

Membership apps charge a monthly fee instead of a per-dinner price, which is cheaper per dinner if you go every week and more expensive if you go once. Supper clubs usually include the food in one ticket price.

Is it awkward?

The first ten minutes can be. People arrive one at a time, sit down and do the "so what do you do?" round. Then the food arrives, someone tells a story about their landlord, and it turns into a dinner.

Three things make the start easier:

• Arrive on time. The first few people set the tone, and joining a table that is already talking is easier than being the first one there.
• Ask a question and then a follow-up question. People like follow-up questions more than clever opening lines.
• Bring one or two questions that are not about work. Our conversation starters has a set made for a table of strangers.

Is a dinner with strangers safe?

It is one of the safer ways to meet new people. The dinner takes place in a busy public restaurant, you meet a group rather than one person, and you choose whether to share your number.

• Siena reviews every signup before placing someone at a table.
• You travel to and from the restaurant on your own terms. Nobody needs your address.
• If anyone makes you uncomfortable, tell the restaurant staff on the night and tell us at hi@sienasociety.com afterwards. We act on every report.
• As with any night out, tell a friend where you are going and keep your drinks in sight.

A dinner with strangers is not a date

Some events are built for singles. Siena is not one of them. Every Siena table is a mixed group of about six people who came to make friends, and nobody is paired with anyone. That changes the evening: there is no pressure to impress one person, and you can just enjoy the conversation.

How to enjoy your first dinner with strangers

1. Go with an open plan for the evening. Tables often run longer than expected.
2. Eat something small beforehand if you are nervous. It is easier to talk when you are not starving.
3. Put your phone away. It is the clearest signal that you are there for the people.
4. Learn names early and use them. Six names is a lot. Repeat each one once when you hear it.
5. Share a dish if the menu suits it. Passing plates is an easy way to start talking.
6. Ask the quiet person a question. Everyone notices, and it makes the whole table better.
7. Do not try to be interesting. Be interested. Follow-up questions do more than stories.
8. Suggest the group chat before the bill. At the end of the night, everyone is keen and it takes ten seconds.
9. Send one message the next day. "Great to meet you, the pub quiz idea still stands" is enough.
10. Book again. One dinner is a good evening. A few dinners is how a social life starts.

Questions people ask